What do you think?

By Lindsey Knapp

It was 120 degrees here in Oklahoma last week, and I was at church camp with 30 other youth that I’ve known as long as I can remember. We laughed and sang and screamed and danced, and I did my share of crying and learning and feeling.

Do you ever have conversations you come out of feeling very much enlightened, and yet not quite able to say what it was you learned? I had at least three of those last week with a wonderful person named Sarah. And while we were both exhausted from the heat and a great lack of sleep, God did something in those conversations that I hope I’m still thinking about months from now.

What does it mean to be me? What does it mean to honor God in situations that do not have clear right or wrong answers? What does it mean to wait, and grow, and be open, and be honest?

Honesty, transparency, and truthfulness are things I value so very highly in others, and yet I’m not sure how much of them I possess. I’m realizing for perhaps the first time that being hard on yourself and being honest with yourself are two very different things.

I live in two very different places. Sometimes, when I am in New York, I’m tempted to not think about the issues I face when I’m in Oklahoma, not to investigate my feelings and desires about the issues, and I certainly would not call that being honest with myself. And in Oklahoma, I wonder, how does everything I’m learning in New York apply? If I were ever to move back, what would I bring back with me? How would I be able to say I had changed?

Well, I don’t have answers. But thanks to the very wise Sarah, and the infinitely wise God working through her words and into my life, I’m thinking about it.



Oh, it all looks different
But that doesn’t mean anything has changed

Still I reach for You
When I am afraid
And this breath that comes from You
Helps me say Your name

- song Say Your Name, by Bethany Dillon