One Month In

By Tim Knapp

As I sit here alone in the apartment this beautiful Sunday morning, my head is buzzing with all that's happened with us this last month. We're fairly settled into our new surroundings, but not completely adjusted, by any means. We've been here long enough to have figured a lot of things out, but we still have many questions and things to work out.

It has been awhile since we've posted, so to keep you up to date, we are doing well. We've had a great month here...and Holy Week was incredibly meaningful to us this year. Our Passover meal and celebration with friends were more moving than ever. We've attended some great classes and have heard some amazing teaching on church history and missions, the Gospel accounts of the resurrection, a study of Genesis, and through several sermons on the Suffering Servant. We attended a fantastic performance by Max McClean reciting the book of Mark, along with the Well--a Friday night prayer and worship service that we've particularly gained so much from. It's incredible what comes through joining with 75 or so others from 10pm 'til midnight on a Friday night to simply pray and worship! We miss so much by not carving out those times when we actually live out our belief that God hears and answers our prayers for our lost friends, our church, and our city/community.

I personally have had so many encounters, visits, and conversations with people--many of whom were homeless, and others who have simply been eager to talk about their lives, beliefs, or struggles. And even more who were just intrigued as to why we would move from Oklahoma to New York City. It's interesting how puzzling that is to people who live here. Funny that it's as odd to a  New Yorker as it is to Okies! Strangers and Christian friends alike are still asking us why...and basically look at us in disbelief as we try to explain.

But it has been so refreshing to meet a number of folks who have done the same as us. At a church leaders' event we were invited to attend last week, we had a few conversations with people who had similar stories. We've been encouraged to find that God has been doing this sort of thing for a number of years in NYC. One couple who are extremely active in church planting here stated they believe it's in response to the Christian community's prayers for God to send Christians to the city; an intensive prayer movement that began immediately following the twin towers terrorist attack. As so many began to move out and leave the perceived dangers of living in a target city, the church called for Christians to cry out for God to send Christians; that the city would be impacted by people who come here expressly to live for the city.

Our prayer is that we would do just that; to live for the city in such a way that God uses us in His process of renewing New York, which He is. But make no mistake; we are not God's gift to this city--this city is God's gift to us. Here we feel incredible purpose and reason to engage a largely unChristian population; a people who are extremely open to spiritual insight. And there are many who are either so tired from the demands of urban living and striving, or who are simply looking for a real reason to live. We see a need to not just provide a meal or two for one who's hungry, but to provide hope for him. It's a frustrating thing to hand out a dollar or two, or even a meal, knowing it's not enough. There's a huge need for people willing to serve food and an even larger need for resources which can provide opportunities on an ongoing basis for those who have absolutely nothing and no one.

But there are many, many more who simply need to see the Gospel lived out in day to day coming and going. And not just here, even there where you are. People so need to see people who are willing to allow Jesus to do what He came to do, in their lives first. If we, who supposedly have Jesus, would realize our standing with Him...and what lengths he went to in order to pull that off, then we might begin to understand not only how much He loves us, but them. Living among such diversity, and among so many who believe differently, has such an unusual way of reminding you how similar we are. Until you've rubbed shoulders with a really decent, personable guy who's gay...or with a filthy, smelly man who hates being homeless and just wants a safe place to get some rest and a warm meal...or a really liberal woman who's incredibly giving and considerate...then perhaps you can maintain your feelings of superiority over all those you feel are so different from you. But the truth is, there are a lot of really good people out there who just don't get it...just like me. As long as I feel in any way the least bit responsible for my good choices and standing with Jesus, I continue to feel superior to them...and unmoved by their plight, misfortune, or problems.

I really want to make a difference, but more than that, I want to be different. Different without the worry--or the pride--of standing out. Without the worry of what those around me think about the way I look, the way I sound, or how much or little education I have. I want for me and my kids to live as if our security actually does rest in Jesus, what He's done for us, and how He sees us. These are issues we face. These are the things that really do affect us day to day. Whether I'm among friends who have less, or among friends who have more, my attitude is challenged to  feel neither superior or inferior. To feel neither more or less deserving; better nor worse.

As I ask for your prayers that God will indeed strategically place in the work and life He's brought us here for, I'm confident that He will do just that. It doesn't remove, however, my need to know what's next...my ongoing desire to have the answers to the questions that keep swarming in my head. Meanwhile, we'll continue to wrestle with the same things you all do: how to keep focused on what matters, like how to carve out time alone with my wife, or how to get at my daughters' hearts without constantly addressing their actions and behavior, or how to give more without feeling that's all that's required, or even how to make a living without being so caught up in the daily grind of making money.
That being said, we do feel incredibly blessed and privileged to be living here, and hope you'll keep us in your prayers, and stay in touch.

Good Sabbath!