Winding Down

By Tim Knapp

As the time winds down for our departure to the city, my mind whirls with the questions, thoughts, and wonders of a life completely changing. So many questions. Some my own...yet without uneasiness; others are the questions of so many, so perplexed about our move.

My questions have more to do with curiosity about what life will come to look like in the near future and what God is up to. Or with what amazing things we'll experience over the next few months, which I'm sure will be life-changing. But other questions I ponder are from others. The other day a friend of mine who's on his way to Africa as a new missionary honestly looked me in the eye and said, "I just don't get it. New York City. Why would anyone want to go there?" You know, I understand when someone can't get a grasp on our thinking who does Sunday church out of habit...and claims a faith mostly relegated to those Sundays...because it just doesn't make sense to them. But my friend going to Africa, yet thinking me crazy, just made me laugh.

I must admit one of the early battles we had to face so many (mostly Christian friends) saying, "Whaaaat? Are you kidding me? New York City?" It's not that we needed the affirmation to be sure we were on the right track, please understand. We knew what this move would mean...to us, our kids, our parents, and friends. That we are gone. No longer here. Moving means leaving, no matter where you're going, or why. The problem is, so many of us have this concept of what is a "good place" to live. And so many have their concept of what's not. And for the most part, most of us don't approach our lives as ministry or missional. So we didn't expect everyone to say "Praise God. Tim and Suzy are heading to the mission field."

But as we approach the departure date, to be honest, we are incredibly excited about living in the city. We have less than a week left before leaving. And if you know me...well, that doesn't seem possible; I've never been a "city boy". But having spent a good deal of time there, we know that the city will place certain "strains" on us that will push us together and actually be very good for our family. Everything we do will be together. We won't have a vehicle. That means we'll walk and ride trains/buses everywhere together. And that means lots of face time...and shared suffering, which is good for a group. We won't spend any time driving all over the county or town to all the various events that every different kid is involved in. I've come to believe that perhaps what makes a place a good place to raise kids just might be the place which best equips them for life out in the world in which they'll live. They're understanding of how their faith is intertwined with their daily lives and the world in which they live is hugely important.

Though we view living in the city positive, for the most part, this city life will present far more challenges. Challenges that cause you to view life differently. Challenges that cause you to want to do something differently, because every time you go outside you see things. Things that remind you that so many others have a life far from yours; that things aren't so good for many.

Challenges that will cause us to rethink our Gospel; yet perhaps to be changed by it. To know it's not about being good Christians...we're not good Christians and won't be. Or at least by the standards set before us. Being in the city...tripping over despair and poverty constantly serves to remind you that no matter what you do, you can never do enough. You can't be good enough, give enough, serve enough. And the more one realizes this, if it drives you into Jesus and His love for you...(instead of toward a greater burden to just do more) then it brings incredible zeal for life and a burning desire to help those God places in your path. I've experienced this recently, and I'm hungrier than ever for it.

There are plenty of needs unmet here in our own community; plenty of ways to be involved in helping others. Though we could always do more--that's part of the dilemma we as Christians must come to terms with or be legalistic, self-condemned workaholics who are anything but joy-filled, world-changing people--for the most part life here is ultra-safe and insulated; and helping people in our community is the norm. Though not everyone does it, it's not unusual here when a good Baptist goes out of his way to do something for someone. Oh, it still counts as a good thing done; and occasionally it causes a non-church going citizen to be moved toward a less negative view of the church or its members.

I realize that many people are really OK with safe and insulated; in fact, that's why many are here. The fact is, life can be brutal, even in a nice, safe, cozy environment. But it really is brutal out there, and that's where the rubber meets the road; where most people live and interact, and where our kids will live soon. I know, I know: It's all the real world. Life can be extremely difficult, or will be, no matter where you live. Yes indeed. But for now, I choose that one and so look forward to being in a place where the line between Christian or non is distinct; where doing something for someone draws looks of suspicion; where hospitality or reaching out to others is largely not done. And a place where needs fly in your face constantly. A place where mine and my kid's faith will be challenged and strengthened daily and on display; a place that's not easy.

I realize that as I write this I''m being extremely me/we focused. I'm looking at the benefits of being in the city, which are many. But I'm thankful this move isn't about us; it's about what's going on in a world we're called to. It's about jumping into the thick of things. It's about being less caught up in my life and walk, and more caught up in others'. It's about what my kids need in order to be difference-making people who live missional lives that center on what God's doing not in their lives, but out there. And out there is where we're called to live. Not everyone can do that; not everyone is called to go. We are all called to live for Jesus and to enjoy constantly a growing realization of how much He loves us...which in turn will cause us to live more intensely for others, no matter where we are. And it will enable us to be freed from the bondage of religion, self-condemnation, and lackadaisical living, which so plagues us in our easy, self-absorbed, living...whether here or there.

Finding a Place

A Week in the City

By Tim Knapp

Wow. I'm again overwhelmed at life in the city. How different; how interesting, how challenging.

I came this week after a couple months of dreading/preparing for an apartment hunt I knew would be difficult and new...it was. Yet, what I prayed for was that God would lead me to the place, neighborhood, apartment that he has in mind for us to live and interact in.

I arrived late Tuesday 2/2/10 after flight delays, to a snowy city as busy and loud and filled with people as ever. My next 2 days were filled with around the clock email, texting, and phoning apt brokers to inquire about apts here in Manhattan. By noon Wed. I had an afternoon full of appointments that lasted into the late evening. I was reminded of the difficulty and challenge of city...real city living. Walking everywhere...taking subway trains, catching a bus, grabbing a taxi, to shorten the cross-town treks. And all in arctic-like, 20-something, windy, chill.

And the people never speak of the weather...I'm constantly aware of the cold, though dressed well for it. The weather's never a topic of conversation here. Too much else to worry about; too cold to talk, period. And yet the streets are full of those hurrying as always to the next appointment, job, or destination...bundled up, looking tired, yet spirited.

These people aren't hard, yet w/o time for small talk. Get to the point; say what you mean, mean what you say. And say it loud and clear. It's somewhat refreshing that what's said is never meaningless. It's always purposeful and with emphasis. Every time. And yet people don't mind talking or doing a quick visit...they appreciate it. Hurried, busy, distracted living doesn't leave much time for visiting--don't we know. And it leaves very few who are willing to try it. Not much is left over for that.

So, dressed well--at least warmly--and fairly new to the routine of all the walking, hurrying, and such, I talk a lot. And mostly, it's well received and returned two-fold. Leads to a lot of interesting conversations. Everyone has a story; every person willing to share has experience to give. And some of the stories are hard to hear...such as from the guy whose been homeless since he lost his job and wife 2 years ago...or from the guy who just got out of the NY State pen 2 days ago, after 18 years...prison ID in hand. We miss so much from those we fail to listen to or hear out.

And so on Thursday morning, I walk into an apt on upper west side Manhattan...between Central Park and Riverside Drive on the Hudson...and God says "This is the one". Yet I didn't hear a voice besides mine. But it was clear. And 24 hrs later and after another 20 apt. viewings....I signed the dreaded dotted line. More interestingly, the owner of the building...a seven story building constructed circa 1900, wanted to meet me before approving the lease. Turns out he owns 9-10 other similar buildings w/50 or so apt's in each one...each building worth millions each...along with vacation properties on other continents. Yet he wants to meet me before approving our lease agreement. Hmmm. Which led to another interesting conversation.

Answered so many questions, and personal, indeed. Which led to me sharing our (other) dream of recent. The one of starting up a "Rivers Edge--NYC"...that all we needed were apt's along Riverside Drive...which he has. And that all we needed was a guy like him whom we will meet some time, who will give us a chance to do that by providing a few apt's and taking a chance on someone like us. He then gave me the keys to the apt...one month in advance of our start up and lease date. God knows what He's up to here...and this is only one small area.

So after only a couple days of serious searching...voila'. We're in. And with plenty of room for visitors who want a first hand NYC experience w/o the hassle and expense. We have a roomy 3BR/2bath only a short walk from Central Park and beside the subway for easy access to all the sights of the city...hint, hint. It's so safe and unusually quiet for big-city. We truly hope many of our friends will take us up on this offer...whether you've ever stayed with us before or not. It's an opportunity that will change your lives, I promise. And in only a few days. Guaranteed.

There's so much I cannot express about what it feels like to be here. I'm a very woodsy, outdoorsy, stay alone, love the quiet, sort of guy...who fakes it well in the crowd...not that I dislike people. And yet I'm drawn here no less than the Rockies have drawn me in the past...to hike in, carry only a bare minimum of food for the week, and weather the elements in search of something that's incredibly hard to bag...yet it's there, and I know it.

So as I ponder my last few days' here alone in the city, I realize I'm hungrier than ever for real life. I've found it here, or it's found me. I won't be the same for it, thank God. And I long to see just what it all means...or what all we're in for. Good or bad, it's more than interesting; it's invigorating. And that's what life should be. Or at least what it was intended to be, praise God.