Sidewalk Sleeper

By Tim Knapp

As I sit in front of my computer by the window, I can see the abandoned cardboard mat in front of the building across the street, where a homeless guy has slept until around noon for the last two mornings. This is a little unusual for our upper west side neighborhood. Although I've seen and met several homeless people on the streets near our apartment, they don't usually hang out here. As I stared out the window at this man yesterday morning it occurred to me what a gulf there is between him and me.

I can't help but think what a contrast this city is to the place I've just recently come from. I wonder how friends or family would respond to this view of pathetic poverty, right outside our window. I watch as a mom and her young daughter swing wide to go around this guy, asleep and oblivious to all passers-by. What a lesson this little girl has gained without knowing it, just pushing her baby-doll stroller around this homeless man.

When you walk the streets here, you're forced to deal with this chasm between the haves and have nots. You're at least forced to view it. You're reminded again and again of its reality. And during more introspective moments--if you're honest--you realize that the gulf is not that wide. After all, was it my choice to be born into my family? Did I choose to have this ability to think or reason or make a buck?

Many of us have come to the conclusion--whether conscious or no--that I am to credit for the life I have. That it's the result of my good decisions and hard work. That I choose to be what I am. And what's more, if he would just choose to, he also could have more. That if he would just get up and get with it, he'd not be homeless either. We can't imagine being that aimless, that lazy, that unmotivated. Then we apply a similar reason to the other areas...how could she have that opinion, that affiliation, that view? And the chasm gets even wider.

Tim Keller recently stated, "It is in encountering others unlike us that we begin to see how the greatness of God's mercy can overcome our prejudices." I am beginning to understand what that statement means.

A New Lease

By Tim Knapp

If there's a drawback to having an extremely competitive background, it's that you're constantly putting a new goal, challenge, or project in front of you. It's not just who we are, it's what we do. It matters not whether one's ever stepped foot on a court or field of competition. We seek glory. We want affirmation, accolades, trophies, success. We want our lives to matter. Period.

It's interesting the ways God has of helping us realize what matters. At times he provides breakthroughs in thinking that change everything, and the entire direction of your life is altered. And for the better. One area I believe he longs to see us impacted with is our concept of grace.

God would not have us live under the oppression of duty, obligation, and indebtedness to our church, or to him. Nor would he have us hold the misguided idea of needing to "earn his favor". God has released us from the bondage of having to pay him back. I mean, how do you pay God back, anyway? Seriously. I understand feeling indebted. And we should. But imagine your son coming to you after his birthday party saying, "Dad, I'm going to spend the rest of my life paying you back for that BB gun." Or what if you overheard your friends, whom you've just treated to a nice steak dinner, mumbling to themselves..."Dang. Now we have to buy them steaks!" We'd be manipulative creatures indeed if the only reason we gave was to get. We all do this at times. But it's not God's way at all.

God doesn't coerce or manipulate. He sent his son to die not to gain followers, loyalty, or build his ego. He wouldn't have us do it either. Why do we behave as if paying him back is our duty? Or live as if our only purpose in life should be to please him. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for pleasing God; I just don't think it should have anything to do with why we do it. Do you want your kids to behave and be good in order to please you? Is it so they will look like good people? Is it so others will think they're quality kids? Of course not. We're guilty of parenting this way, but God isn't.

Though we still fail in loving as God does, we ought to follow his example of aiming for the heart--not the behavior. This so helps us understand how God operates. He doesn't need our loyalty and following. He desires it, but that's for our sake, not his. He is and was willing to go to radical extremes to win our hearts, but so we would be willing for him to use and transform us. We tell and we're told to be good, like it or not. Just serve and love until your feelings fall in line. Problem is, it's bad logic. This says...your feelings are secondary (they are), just act like (false pretense) you're good (which you're obviously not) until you feel like it (which is frustrating, 'cause you never do).

This faulty thinking causes our kids to play the game well, or outright rebel. It causes Christians to play the game well also. They look good, but on the inside something's really missing. Sooner or later we fly apart at the seams, or quit the church altogether, growing tired of the logic we feel is wrong to begin with. It makes leaders exhausted. It gets old trying to get people to do what they won't or can't do in the first place.

Embracing God's love and grace is liberating. God will not look me in the eye at the judgement day and say, "Is that all you have to offer...Is that all you did?!" It won't happen. It's NOT about what we can do for God...It's about what Jesus did for me. That's grace. And embracing it means getting off the treadmill of Christian work and duty, and basking in the reality of the cross and what it means for my past, present, and future. Wow.

It means I am more motivated than ever to love generously, give more, and work harder at being what Jesus alone made possible. This is what embracing grace does; it gets at our hearts and motivates us in a way that simply addressing behavior can never do. We drive people away by placing more demands, requirements, and duties on them than God does. The church shrinks, people don't want to come, and we wonder why. We end up frustrated and feeling like no one is as committed as we are.

It's this grace that gives us a new lease on life. It gives faith new meaning. It helps me understand and admit I can't be what I'm supposed to be; neither can those around me. It means I have faith that because I can't, Jesus did, and will do what I can't. It's the only way I will continue to flop and still have joy in the fact that I'm loved beyond belief. This drives me toward Jesus in a way that my dad's belt or my teacher's lectures never could, never will. This concept of grace does more than our old, oft-heard definition, "unmerited favor", ever could. It's this grace that enables us to believe and live as if the Gospel changes everything...because it does, when fully embraced.

More Change

By Tim Knapp

Having just returned home from helping some great friends load up their belongings, I'm reminded of how ongoing change is. And how challenging change is. And how heartbreaking it can be. We've been told of how transient friendships can be here in the city...today we're reminded of that. So many come and go; things change, new directions, new turns.

Yet with all that change brings, I'm also reminded of how liberating and refreshing it can be. They say, the more things change, the more they stay the same. I'll need some time to wrap my head around that one. But I do think resisting change is a futile exercise. What person, what family, what church can keep change from occurring? How can we keep our kids home, when we raise and work to prepare them to enter a world awaiting them? How can we continue to do what we've always done, thinking what worked ten--no two--years ago will work tomorrow? Why do we hold onto the way things are, thinking life can continue as it always has? It won't. It can't.

If there's one thing for sure, it's that the world's a changin', so to speak. Nothing stays the same...except what we refuse to adjust, or what we hold on to, too tightly. Then they change. No longer effective, no longer useful. I've had to turn loose a few things lately. Some I was willing to see go; others were torn away. Change has a way of coming whether you want it or not. Question is, will we embrace it or resist?

I love change--good change, that is. Change is exciting, brings new stuff, new scenery, and new people. But today it brought pain as I said goodbye to a great friend moving eight states away. Sometimes you make a great friend in a few minutes; usually it takes a life time. But either way, it's hard to see them go. Same with a son, same with a dad. Yet even when it's painful, it can be freeing. Freeing because change that's embraced becomes change with meaning. And freeing because I know we're not bound to live useless lives that have no joy or purpose. I'm glad the one who loves us knows the plans he has for us. And these too are plans for change.

One Month In

By Tim Knapp

As I sit here alone in the apartment this beautiful Sunday morning, my head is buzzing with all that's happened with us this last month. We're fairly settled into our new surroundings, but not completely adjusted, by any means. We've been here long enough to have figured a lot of things out, but we still have many questions and things to work out.

It has been awhile since we've posted, so to keep you up to date, we are doing well. We've had a great month here...and Holy Week was incredibly meaningful to us this year. Our Passover meal and celebration with friends were more moving than ever. We've attended some great classes and have heard some amazing teaching on church history and missions, the Gospel accounts of the resurrection, a study of Genesis, and through several sermons on the Suffering Servant. We attended a fantastic performance by Max McClean reciting the book of Mark, along with the Well--a Friday night prayer and worship service that we've particularly gained so much from. It's incredible what comes through joining with 75 or so others from 10pm 'til midnight on a Friday night to simply pray and worship! We miss so much by not carving out those times when we actually live out our belief that God hears and answers our prayers for our lost friends, our church, and our city/community.

I personally have had so many encounters, visits, and conversations with people--many of whom were homeless, and others who have simply been eager to talk about their lives, beliefs, or struggles. And even more who were just intrigued as to why we would move from Oklahoma to New York City. It's interesting how puzzling that is to people who live here. Funny that it's as odd to a  New Yorker as it is to Okies! Strangers and Christian friends alike are still asking us why...and basically look at us in disbelief as we try to explain.

But it has been so refreshing to meet a number of folks who have done the same as us. At a church leaders' event we were invited to attend last week, we had a few conversations with people who had similar stories. We've been encouraged to find that God has been doing this sort of thing for a number of years in NYC. One couple who are extremely active in church planting here stated they believe it's in response to the Christian community's prayers for God to send Christians to the city; an intensive prayer movement that began immediately following the twin towers terrorist attack. As so many began to move out and leave the perceived dangers of living in a target city, the church called for Christians to cry out for God to send Christians; that the city would be impacted by people who come here expressly to live for the city.

Our prayer is that we would do just that; to live for the city in such a way that God uses us in His process of renewing New York, which He is. But make no mistake; we are not God's gift to this city--this city is God's gift to us. Here we feel incredible purpose and reason to engage a largely unChristian population; a people who are extremely open to spiritual insight. And there are many who are either so tired from the demands of urban living and striving, or who are simply looking for a real reason to live. We see a need to not just provide a meal or two for one who's hungry, but to provide hope for him. It's a frustrating thing to hand out a dollar or two, or even a meal, knowing it's not enough. There's a huge need for people willing to serve food and an even larger need for resources which can provide opportunities on an ongoing basis for those who have absolutely nothing and no one.

But there are many, many more who simply need to see the Gospel lived out in day to day coming and going. And not just here, even there where you are. People so need to see people who are willing to allow Jesus to do what He came to do, in their lives first. If we, who supposedly have Jesus, would realize our standing with Him...and what lengths he went to in order to pull that off, then we might begin to understand not only how much He loves us, but them. Living among such diversity, and among so many who believe differently, has such an unusual way of reminding you how similar we are. Until you've rubbed shoulders with a really decent, personable guy who's gay...or with a filthy, smelly man who hates being homeless and just wants a safe place to get some rest and a warm meal...or a really liberal woman who's incredibly giving and considerate...then perhaps you can maintain your feelings of superiority over all those you feel are so different from you. But the truth is, there are a lot of really good people out there who just don't get it...just like me. As long as I feel in any way the least bit responsible for my good choices and standing with Jesus, I continue to feel superior to them...and unmoved by their plight, misfortune, or problems.

I really want to make a difference, but more than that, I want to be different. Different without the worry--or the pride--of standing out. Without the worry of what those around me think about the way I look, the way I sound, or how much or little education I have. I want for me and my kids to live as if our security actually does rest in Jesus, what He's done for us, and how He sees us. These are issues we face. These are the things that really do affect us day to day. Whether I'm among friends who have less, or among friends who have more, my attitude is challenged to  feel neither superior or inferior. To feel neither more or less deserving; better nor worse.

As I ask for your prayers that God will indeed strategically place in the work and life He's brought us here for, I'm confident that He will do just that. It doesn't remove, however, my need to know what's next...my ongoing desire to have the answers to the questions that keep swarming in my head. Meanwhile, we'll continue to wrestle with the same things you all do: how to keep focused on what matters, like how to carve out time alone with my wife, or how to get at my daughters' hearts without constantly addressing their actions and behavior, or how to give more without feeling that's all that's required, or even how to make a living without being so caught up in the daily grind of making money.
That being said, we do feel incredibly blessed and privileged to be living here, and hope you'll keep us in your prayers, and stay in touch.

Good Sabbath!

The Subway Way

By Lindsey Knapp

Do you want to experience new things?  How would you like to expand your insight into human habits and different ways of life?  Would you like to do all this for only $2.25?

Come to New York!  Get on the subway at rush hour!  It’s a fascinating idea, playing Sardines with complete strangers.  You’ll be a part of the action—this never-ending game of How-Many-People-Can-We-Fit-Into-One-Subway-Car?  The ceiling’s the limit!  If you can see the floor there’s still room!  It’s a race against time to see how many will fit in before the doors close.

Come!  Stay with the Knapps!  Your trip will only cost you $2.25 (airfare, food, taxi fares, spare change, and the money you will blow off at the souvenir shop not included, price for one person only.)  You’ll experience a whole different aspect of city life, one that thousands of people do every day.  You could be one of them! *Offer not valid in Czechoslovakia 

Yes, I’m kidding.  Please don’t be calling me up anytime soon to ask if you can come to New York and ride the subway...we’d love for you to come but certainly not for that reason.

Riding the subway, at any time, can invite discomfort, yet also provide an interesting perspective.  About 5.2 million people ride the subway, in all of New York City, every weekday.  That’s all kinds of people, and I’ll admit, it’s not always a fun thing to do.  Often there’s a conversation going on beside me that I’d rather not have to listen to, or someone’s iPod is blaring loudly enough for the whole world to hear, or I’m sitting beside someone I’d rather not sit beside.  It’s not the cleanest of environments, and there are often near one hundred people within that one car; so I understand when someone objects to the public-ness of it, or if someone doesn’t like things used by a lot of people.  These are two prevalent aspects of city life, and you get used to them.

The subway is a great place to study people, and why we do what we do; and also, occasionally, to laugh.  Funny first: the other day I heard the story of a friend of a friend: this guy gets on the subway like any other day, and promptly sits down next to Princess Leia.  Seriously.  Princess Leia, in full costume.  At the next stop, two Stormtroopers get on and grab her.  Next stop?  Darth Vader.  What a crazy place this is!

A couple days ago we caught the subway to go downtown, and a few stops down our ride a man came on the subway car with a guitar of some kind.  At first, when he announced that he was going to sing a song for “The lady in the orange coat, who has nice legs,” I mostly wrote him off.  Just some guy trying to make a little money.  But he was truly hilarious!  He started singing his own, personalized version of “My Girl,” and pretty soon everyone in the subway car was laughing and singing along.  How often does that happen?!  He then went on to crack some jokes that were actually funny and sang two more songs, for “The lady in the white coat” and “The man in the glasses.” Afterward he walked up and down the car gathering donations.  “I have three kids at home and they all need iPods.  I will take cash, Yankees caps, iPods, or foreign money.” This is not what your typical guy would say.  I loved it because it was such a different subway ride than what we usually take; and the laughing united the people in that subway car, even for only ten minutes.

The subway, which so many New Yorkers use every day, levels the playing field.  Everyone who steps through those doors, whether CEO or homeless man, is subject to the conditions and the rules of that subway car.  If it’s ten minutes between trains, everyone must stand on the platform and wait.  If the train is held up between stations (which happens all the time, to hear New Yorkers talk), then everyone on that train is held up and has no other option than to wait.  It doesn’t matter if you have friends in high places or no friends at all.

So the next time you’re on a subway train, look around.  Many books could be written about that train.

Settling In

By Tim Knapp

What a sight...4 Knapps; 14 pieces of luggage. As we stood atop our mountain of suit cases we only hoped we could get them all in one vehicle. It would require a van-taxi, which luckily, are plentiful here in NYC. We managed. But of course, the driver barely spoke enough broken English for me to understand him trying to tell me via cellphone where he had pulled up.

After 10 minutes of carting luggage across the busiest street at LaGuardia, we finally got everything loaded. Barely had room for all the girls! After an interesting 20 minute ride through the city to our apartment, and getting a fair history lesson on Russian politics, the Uzbekistan driver unloaded us in front of our building 839 West End Avenue.

We slept the first couple of nights on mattresses on the floor with make-shift covers, since our bedding hadn't yet arrived via mail, and we only had one actual mattress and an inflatable. But thanks to the internet and Craig's List, we soon made several furniture acquisitions, making our place a bit more comfy.

There's nothing like Craig's List in NYC! Hundreds of listings for furniture, housewares, etc., appearing daily...and all only a few minute's commute away. A couple million people within such a small area, of which probably 95% don't have a vehicle, present a lot of opportunities for furnishings that are either free or very much on the cheap. Many simply say, come and get it; others sell at vastly discounted prices, since if it doesn't sell they have to leave it anyway. Problem is, though, you either have to carry it or hire a "man with a van" to help you. And that's what we did. My friend Dave (a 26 year old from Michigan who, along with his wife Crystal, became our first NYC friends back in October) and another friend, Young Hoon from Korea, helped me go pick up a mattress for Beth's bed. When's the last time you saw 3 guys walking down the street with a mattress on their heads? And then we went to an apartment to pick up another free item, but this time a sofa sleeper a family couldn't take with them. I called on a guy with a van from Brooklyn who had helped me with a few items back in October. Carrying a sleeper down tight stairways ain't exactly easy no matter how many hands you have! And then last night, as I decided to do a quick check on items listed on the upper west side of Manhattan (our area) I found a much needed desk only 5 blocks down the street. After a quick offer and deal, I headed out to seal the transaction. Pretty simple, really; hello, here's the cash, give me the desk. And off I went, carrying a desk on my shoulders up West End Avenue back to my building. I managed to get it into the building, up the stairs, and into the apartment without waking a soul. Mission accomplished. And all by 1:30 am.

Since arriving Tuesday, Lindsey has gone skiing, Beth's been out with a friend for Ben & Jerry's ice cream, we've enjoyed at least three meals with company in our new apartment, and been out to other family's places a couple of times as well. We've been amazed at what God has gone before us and done; so many neat relationships already in place, so many friends eager to help and know our story. We truly feel at home and that we're a part of this community. And then to attend church--we did two services today--and meet so many who are so willing to help in any way possible. It reminds us how vital Christian community is and what a difference it makes to be a part of it.

And while I'm on the topic of Community...what a blessing it has been over the nights we've been here to sit together last thing before bed and read the cards from the church back home. What a lift we've received from our friends. We are so thankful for the considerate time taken by so many to encourage us and send us off with their blessing.

Winding Down

By Tim Knapp

As the time winds down for our departure to the city, my mind whirls with the questions, thoughts, and wonders of a life completely changing. So many questions. Some my own...yet without uneasiness; others are the questions of so many, so perplexed about our move.

My questions have more to do with curiosity about what life will come to look like in the near future and what God is up to. Or with what amazing things we'll experience over the next few months, which I'm sure will be life-changing. But other questions I ponder are from others. The other day a friend of mine who's on his way to Africa as a new missionary honestly looked me in the eye and said, "I just don't get it. New York City. Why would anyone want to go there?" You know, I understand when someone can't get a grasp on our thinking who does Sunday church out of habit...and claims a faith mostly relegated to those Sundays...because it just doesn't make sense to them. But my friend going to Africa, yet thinking me crazy, just made me laugh.

I must admit one of the early battles we had to face so many (mostly Christian friends) saying, "Whaaaat? Are you kidding me? New York City?" It's not that we needed the affirmation to be sure we were on the right track, please understand. We knew what this move would mean...to us, our kids, our parents, and friends. That we are gone. No longer here. Moving means leaving, no matter where you're going, or why. The problem is, so many of us have this concept of what is a "good place" to live. And so many have their concept of what's not. And for the most part, most of us don't approach our lives as ministry or missional. So we didn't expect everyone to say "Praise God. Tim and Suzy are heading to the mission field."

But as we approach the departure date, to be honest, we are incredibly excited about living in the city. We have less than a week left before leaving. And if you know me...well, that doesn't seem possible; I've never been a "city boy". But having spent a good deal of time there, we know that the city will place certain "strains" on us that will push us together and actually be very good for our family. Everything we do will be together. We won't have a vehicle. That means we'll walk and ride trains/buses everywhere together. And that means lots of face time...and shared suffering, which is good for a group. We won't spend any time driving all over the county or town to all the various events that every different kid is involved in. I've come to believe that perhaps what makes a place a good place to raise kids just might be the place which best equips them for life out in the world in which they'll live. They're understanding of how their faith is intertwined with their daily lives and the world in which they live is hugely important.

Though we view living in the city positive, for the most part, this city life will present far more challenges. Challenges that cause you to view life differently. Challenges that cause you to want to do something differently, because every time you go outside you see things. Things that remind you that so many others have a life far from yours; that things aren't so good for many.

Challenges that will cause us to rethink our Gospel; yet perhaps to be changed by it. To know it's not about being good Christians...we're not good Christians and won't be. Or at least by the standards set before us. Being in the city...tripping over despair and poverty constantly serves to remind you that no matter what you do, you can never do enough. You can't be good enough, give enough, serve enough. And the more one realizes this, if it drives you into Jesus and His love for you...(instead of toward a greater burden to just do more) then it brings incredible zeal for life and a burning desire to help those God places in your path. I've experienced this recently, and I'm hungrier than ever for it.

There are plenty of needs unmet here in our own community; plenty of ways to be involved in helping others. Though we could always do more--that's part of the dilemma we as Christians must come to terms with or be legalistic, self-condemned workaholics who are anything but joy-filled, world-changing people--for the most part life here is ultra-safe and insulated; and helping people in our community is the norm. Though not everyone does it, it's not unusual here when a good Baptist goes out of his way to do something for someone. Oh, it still counts as a good thing done; and occasionally it causes a non-church going citizen to be moved toward a less negative view of the church or its members.

I realize that many people are really OK with safe and insulated; in fact, that's why many are here. The fact is, life can be brutal, even in a nice, safe, cozy environment. But it really is brutal out there, and that's where the rubber meets the road; where most people live and interact, and where our kids will live soon. I know, I know: It's all the real world. Life can be extremely difficult, or will be, no matter where you live. Yes indeed. But for now, I choose that one and so look forward to being in a place where the line between Christian or non is distinct; where doing something for someone draws looks of suspicion; where hospitality or reaching out to others is largely not done. And a place where needs fly in your face constantly. A place where mine and my kid's faith will be challenged and strengthened daily and on display; a place that's not easy.

I realize that as I write this I''m being extremely me/we focused. I'm looking at the benefits of being in the city, which are many. But I'm thankful this move isn't about us; it's about what's going on in a world we're called to. It's about jumping into the thick of things. It's about being less caught up in my life and walk, and more caught up in others'. It's about what my kids need in order to be difference-making people who live missional lives that center on what God's doing not in their lives, but out there. And out there is where we're called to live. Not everyone can do that; not everyone is called to go. We are all called to live for Jesus and to enjoy constantly a growing realization of how much He loves us...which in turn will cause us to live more intensely for others, no matter where we are. And it will enable us to be freed from the bondage of religion, self-condemnation, and lackadaisical living, which so plagues us in our easy, self-absorbed, living...whether here or there.

Finding a Place

A Week in the City

By Tim Knapp

Wow. I'm again overwhelmed at life in the city. How different; how interesting, how challenging.

I came this week after a couple months of dreading/preparing for an apartment hunt I knew would be difficult and new...it was. Yet, what I prayed for was that God would lead me to the place, neighborhood, apartment that he has in mind for us to live and interact in.

I arrived late Tuesday 2/2/10 after flight delays, to a snowy city as busy and loud and filled with people as ever. My next 2 days were filled with around the clock email, texting, and phoning apt brokers to inquire about apts here in Manhattan. By noon Wed. I had an afternoon full of appointments that lasted into the late evening. I was reminded of the difficulty and challenge of city...real city living. Walking everywhere...taking subway trains, catching a bus, grabbing a taxi, to shorten the cross-town treks. And all in arctic-like, 20-something, windy, chill.

And the people never speak of the weather...I'm constantly aware of the cold, though dressed well for it. The weather's never a topic of conversation here. Too much else to worry about; too cold to talk, period. And yet the streets are full of those hurrying as always to the next appointment, job, or destination...bundled up, looking tired, yet spirited.

These people aren't hard, yet w/o time for small talk. Get to the point; say what you mean, mean what you say. And say it loud and clear. It's somewhat refreshing that what's said is never meaningless. It's always purposeful and with emphasis. Every time. And yet people don't mind talking or doing a quick visit...they appreciate it. Hurried, busy, distracted living doesn't leave much time for visiting--don't we know. And it leaves very few who are willing to try it. Not much is left over for that.

So, dressed well--at least warmly--and fairly new to the routine of all the walking, hurrying, and such, I talk a lot. And mostly, it's well received and returned two-fold. Leads to a lot of interesting conversations. Everyone has a story; every person willing to share has experience to give. And some of the stories are hard to hear...such as from the guy whose been homeless since he lost his job and wife 2 years ago...or from the guy who just got out of the NY State pen 2 days ago, after 18 years...prison ID in hand. We miss so much from those we fail to listen to or hear out.

And so on Thursday morning, I walk into an apt on upper west side Manhattan...between Central Park and Riverside Drive on the Hudson...and God says "This is the one". Yet I didn't hear a voice besides mine. But it was clear. And 24 hrs later and after another 20 apt. viewings....I signed the dreaded dotted line. More interestingly, the owner of the building...a seven story building constructed circa 1900, wanted to meet me before approving the lease. Turns out he owns 9-10 other similar buildings w/50 or so apt's in each one...each building worth millions each...along with vacation properties on other continents. Yet he wants to meet me before approving our lease agreement. Hmmm. Which led to another interesting conversation.

Answered so many questions, and personal, indeed. Which led to me sharing our (other) dream of recent. The one of starting up a "Rivers Edge--NYC"...that all we needed were apt's along Riverside Drive...which he has. And that all we needed was a guy like him whom we will meet some time, who will give us a chance to do that by providing a few apt's and taking a chance on someone like us. He then gave me the keys to the apt...one month in advance of our start up and lease date. God knows what He's up to here...and this is only one small area.

So after only a couple days of serious searching...voila'. We're in. And with plenty of room for visitors who want a first hand NYC experience w/o the hassle and expense. We have a roomy 3BR/2bath only a short walk from Central Park and beside the subway for easy access to all the sights of the city...hint, hint. It's so safe and unusually quiet for big-city. We truly hope many of our friends will take us up on this offer...whether you've ever stayed with us before or not. It's an opportunity that will change your lives, I promise. And in only a few days. Guaranteed.

There's so much I cannot express about what it feels like to be here. I'm a very woodsy, outdoorsy, stay alone, love the quiet, sort of guy...who fakes it well in the crowd...not that I dislike people. And yet I'm drawn here no less than the Rockies have drawn me in the past...to hike in, carry only a bare minimum of food for the week, and weather the elements in search of something that's incredibly hard to bag...yet it's there, and I know it.

So as I ponder my last few days' here alone in the city, I realize I'm hungrier than ever for real life. I've found it here, or it's found me. I won't be the same for it, thank God. And I long to see just what it all means...or what all we're in for. Good or bad, it's more than interesting; it's invigorating. And that's what life should be. Or at least what it was intended to be, praise God.